Once Upon A Time in Wonderland: “Down the Rabbit Hole”

After Once Upon A time was so good last night, I decided I would finally get around to watching the pilot for Once Upon A Time in Wonderland. I regret my decision. OUATW was slow moving, had too much CGI and just seemed like a wannabe OUAT. Maybe I am being harsh, this was only the pilot and I have never been the biggest Alice in Wonderland fan. But, OUAT’s pilot was good and I was never that big of a Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs fan. The evil queen scared me too much as a kid. OUATW even had numerous Aladdin characters, which were always my favorite, but it was still not enough to keep my interest.

The episode opens at the end of Disney’s original version with young Alice arriving back to her home in England. Her dad thinks she is nuts, of course. Then the show seemed to jump to after the Tim Burton version, because Alice (Sophie Lowe) is now a teenager and locked in an asylum because her father thinks she is nuts.

cute

Children in this franchise are never good.

This is about where the pace got so slow I almost stopped watching. The scene switches between Alice sitting in front of a doctor panel, who is delivering all the exposition we need to know and the scenes actually taking place in over-the-top CGI in Wonderland. I mean the Enchanted Forest is pretty fake sometimes, but Wonderland is ridiculous. And it isn’t even that good.

dr panel

I am Dr. Boring here to give you your back story medication.

While all this is happening a random guy is walking through Storybrooke. This part was just here to make enough references to remind everyone that we are watching a spin-off. It shows the clock tower, Emma’s car and Leroy and Ashley (Ruby is even missing in the spin off!) walking out of the diner. The guy ends up being the Knave of Hearts (Michael Socha), whose real name might be Will.

references

Emma drank too much at Regina’s.

He breaks/walks into Granny’s and the White Rabbit (John Lithgrow) pops out of the floor. He tells him that he is late and Alice is trouble and needs there help. It took me a moment to remember that Victorian England is another realm, like the Enchanted Forest or Neverland. The Rabbit can portal jump and wants to get Will to Alice to save her.

rabbitt

Then Granny hears a robber, shots him with her crossbow and the town has rabbit stew for a while.

Alice is about to give up on believing in Wonderland because it went badly for her. She ended up meeting the genie named Cyrus (Peter Gadiot). They fell in love and traveled through the realms together. And yes ladies and gentlemen, that is our wannabe Snow and Charming. But, nobody can be as perfect and cute, as mushy as it is sometimes, as Ginnifer Goodwin and Josh Dallas.

siris

I’m kinda of sad that he is neither blue nor Robin Williams.

Similar to their OUAT counterparts, Alice and Cyrus are battling a wannabe Regina/the Red Queen (Emma Rigby). For a reason unknown to us, she attacks them and throws Cyrus into the Boiling Sea. Alice and Knave think it was to his death, but the Rabbit says he is alive and Alice heads back to Wonderland to try and find him. But the Rabbit actually lied because he is this show’s wannabe Sydney/Mirror and is working for wannabe Regina.

wannabe

I will never be as amazing as Lana Parrilla, because nobody can be.

I just couldn’t get into the episode. The acting wasn’t as good, the character’s aren’t as genuine feeling and besides Jafar (Naveen Andrews) nobody felt like they brought the original characters to life. Really, it just made me want to go watch any episode of OUAT, even the messing ones in the middle of season two. Even the fight scenes felt slow. One was actually in slow motion, but the other was set to strange music that made it feel slow.

slow fight

Wannabe Emma Swan/Snow White face smack!

Second-rate Regina is working with Jafar against Alice. Jafar– and Carpet! — was the only good thing about the whole episode. But, Naveen Andrews if this is why you were not cast as Oberyn Martell in Game of Thrones I’m going to be pissed. I’m not really sure what Jafar’s end game is because he saved Cyrus from that cliff fall and put him in a giant cage over the ancient Arabian version of cerebro.

jafar

“Bring me the lamp!”

As Alice makes her way through Wonderland, she realizes it is different than when she left because everything is more dangerous. But, she is tougher. She makes it to the Mad Hatter’s house, where the Rabbit said Cyrus was, but he isn’t there. And neither is Jefferson but I see you reference, OUATW. Alice ends up finding the necklace Cyrus had, which glows redder the closer she is to him. She is able to convince Knave to stay and help look for Cyrus. I don’t think I’m going watch anymore of this. It just makes me want to go watch Emma and Regina trying to find their son in Neverland with a cuter love-conquers-all couple.

line

“When you really love someone you don’t need proof,” because I can’t say I will always find him.

cage

Just leave him there. If he is anything like Charming, he is just going to hurt himself.

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