Once Upon A Time: “Rocky Road” (S4Ep03)

Where do I start with this episode? It had great outfits, a few great lines and a couple interesting plot points. But mostly it just introduced more characters that we did not need, created some portal-sized plot holes and queerbaited the hell of out us.

We start the episode with Robin Hood (Sean Maguire), Marian (Christie Laing) and Roland (Raphael Alejandro) going to get ice cream. The show takes a moment to remind us that it loves shitting on Regina (Lana Parrilla) by having Roland tell Marion, when she hesitates about the ice cream, that Regina always lets him.

marion

Stepmom’s are evil, so is adoption and the gays

We really just see this for the show to re-introduce Elizabeth Mitchell’s character. Nobody has said her name yet, but the fandom is set on calling her the Ice Queen. My favorite plot hole of this episode, is that the ice cream shop that the Ice Queen works in is next door to Granny’s. And in four years, we have never seen it before? Could the show not afford another block of town set?

So next door, I guess, Regina — in a t-shirt and a vest! – finds Henry (Jared Gilmore) in Granny’s. She starts asking him his idea on who the writer of the story book is. She tells him her plan to find the writer and make him or her re-write it so she isn’t a villain anymore. That was slightly different from two episodes ago when she said give the villains happy endings. I hope that was the show writers fixing themselves, because Regina hasn’t been a villain since season two.

regina

I’m going to keep wearing Miss Swan’s clothes until the show says I’m not a villain.

Emma (Jennifer Morrison) and her new best friend Elsa (Georgina Haig) go to Rumple (Robert Carlyle) to try to find out how Elsa ended up in an urn in his dark vault. He doesn’t know, it was an alternate reality. Of course, Elsa can’t remember because that is the writers’ favorite lazy trick. There was also some Rumbelle stuff in here, but it can’t really be cute.

2 our marriage is built on a lie

Our marriage is built on a lie

To start the recycled plot for this episode (it’s basically The Cricket Game), while Snow (Ginnifer Goodwin) is staging her coup of the Storybrooke Mayor’s office, Marian collapses and the streak that Movie Anna has in her hair appears.

Robin went and found Regina and brings to her to her stolen office to try to figure out what happened to Marian. Emma, Elsa and Hook (Colin O’Donoghue) arrive. Regina gets jealous about all the time Emma is spending with Elsa. Regina accuses Elsa, but Emma speaks up for her and Regina backs off. Elsa says only an act of true love can cure a freezing spell. So, in this show that means true love’s kiss. Regina uncomfortably backs away and Robin kisses Marian, but it doesn’t work.

5

If this means I’m your true love, this might be a good time to tell you about me and Emma.

Everyone thinks the cold must be blocking the spell. Regina says all spells are different and she will have to study it. Emma says she will go investigate. Regina tells her to bring back up since she has been sucking at being a savior lately. Yeah, because she keeps leaving Regina behind. Emma tells Regina she is taking out her anger out on the wrong person.

Emma tells Hook  to take Elsa to the sheriff station. They sneak around, like being dressed in a cheap Frozen Halloween costume and a leather-loving pirate costume is not going to make then stand out. Both don’t want to be kicked out of the action and they head to Rumple’s shop.

Emma and Charming head out into the woods to Robin and Marian’s camp. Doesn’t Granny have rooms available? Who is watching Roland? And to add more stupid to this already stupid episode, Emma and Charming find Will (Michael Socha) from the failed spin off Once Upon A Time In Wonderland and all he does is tell them that all the ice cream in the ice cream shop didn’t melt during the blackout.  Of all the character’s that could have delivered this information, the show decides to introduce a new character to do it? How did he even get to Storybrooke?

6

Mulan was a merry man too

Hook tells Rumple he  knows the dagger he gave Belle (Emilie de Ravin) is fake. He agrees to help him and Elsa. Rumple is able to turn part of Marian’s Movie Anna streak hair that Elsa had into a tracking spell to see where it came from. Elsa and Hook follow it, while Elsa tells us that she already understands Emma better than Hook does.

They did a lot of mismatching chemistry this episode, Elsa and Kristoff, Emma and Hook and Regina and Robin don’t have that much and their characters spent a whole lot of time together, while Emma and Elsa, Emma and Regina, Hook and Charming and Charming and Snow barely had any scenes together.

My point to that was, Elsa and Kristoff spent a whole lot of time running around Arendelle trying to find the urn that Elsa eventually gets trapped in before Hans and his brothers, more totally needed characters, find it.

elsa's hair

Also Elsa’s hair is horrible

They all find it at the same time. To save Kristoff, Elsa gives the urn to Hans. He tries to capture Elsa in it, but the Ice Queen appears out of it and stops him. Later on, she tells Elsa that she is her aunt and Elsa and Anna’s mother wanted to keep her a secret from them. She seems real shady and is probably up to something.

Back in Storybrooke, Elsa, who doesn’t remember any of that, finds the Ice Queen in the woods. The Ice Queen says the rock trolls stole Elsa’s memories and that Anna (Elizabeth Lail) captured her in the urn, because with time everyone sees them as monsters. Elsa refuses to believe it. The Ice Queen is being very much how Cora was with Regina or how Rumple was with Zelena, because its all recycled plots inside a giant plot reset.

8

But, we’re Disney’s greatest siblings

Hooks calls Emma and Charming and they arrive too. The four of them fight her off.The Ice Queen clearly knows Emma from somewhere, but Emma doesn’t remember her. I have no idea how that could possibly fit into the time line at all, but why am I still trying to apply logic to this show?

I’m actually liking the relationship between Emma and Charming that the show is playing up this season. For the second week in a row, Emma wanders off from the group because she is too worried about Regina and what she thinks. This time its about her saying she isn’t a good enough savior. Charming tells her they saved the day, defeated the bad guy and saved his boyfriend. Emma then tells off Hook, goes and tells Elsa the Ice Queen was lying about Anna and they will figure it out.

9

Regina and I are rewatching Carmilla, want to join us?

Over in the Mayor’s office, Marian is a popsicle, who hopefully can’t hear in her frozen state. Despite Regina’s outfit, Robin confesses to Regina that he loves her and that is probably why the kiss didn’t work. Since the show loves never giving Regina a happy ending, she takes out Marian’s heart so the cold doesn’t reach it and promises Robin she will save Marian so they can continue to be together.

Only two more important things happened in this episode.

Again, we had a great line followed by another scene to make me hate this show. Emma walks out of Granny’s. Hook tries to stop her and ask her for drinks but she says, “I’m not in the mood of a drink or a man.”

10

I already told you, Carmilla marathon with Regina

He wants to know why she doesn’t trust him. She says since her dating score for the past few years has been three dead guys and a flying monkey, she doesn’t want to loss Hook too. He says he’s a survivor and kisses her in the middle of the street. I guess it would be cute, if it didn’t feel like the show saying all women need a man to be happy.

Second thing is that Rumple knows the Ice Queen and might have had something to do with her being in Storybrooke. Next week looks like it is going to be lots of Emma and Hook. Whatever, I’m going to watch some Carmilla.

 

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