Once Upon A Time: “The Snow Queen” (S4Ep07)

If you had told me at the end of season three of Once Upon A Time that I would ever start a post with “the only good part was the Frozen story line,” I would have told you you were crazy. But, here we are. This week, we had a baby class of missing character that was still missing Mulan and Ruby, a bunch of magic-phobic homophobic moms, idiots trying to save the day without thinking to call Regina (Lana Parrilla) and so, so much Robin Hood (Sean Maguire).

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But, the Snow Queen’s (Elizabeth Mitchell) back story part was actually all right. The episode starts in a rather Enchanted Forest looking flashback, but the vaguely Scandinavian elements are supposed to tell us this is Arendelle , a long time ago plus 20 to 30 years or something.

The Snow Queen/Ingrid is chasing a kite with her two sisters; Gerda (Pascale Hutton), the mom from Frozen, and Helga (Sally Pressman), the one she is trying to replace with Emma (Jennifer Morrison). They pull a ribbon off the kite after it crashes and fight over it a bit. Then the creepy ass owner of the kite pops out from behind a tree and almost kidnaps the two younger sisters. Ingrid runs at him but he kicks her backwards, as she falls she uses her ice powers for the first time and makes a tree branch fall and knock him out.

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Attempted kidnapping? Child abuse? Perfectly fine as long as no one is black or gay

Gerda and Helga tells Ingrid she isn’t a monster and they will promise to protect her and help her control her powers. Helga then splits the ribbon into thirds and each of them tie a piece around their wrists.

Back in Storybooke, the Snow Queen is hiding her mirror in the clock tower.

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Not that I’m complaining, but why is she still wearing this dress?

Meanwhile:

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Has my mansion Frozen over or something?

Regina is again down in her vault and stupid Robin Hood walks in. She tells him to leave, he needs to fall in love with Marian again. He complains that its hard and he doesn’t what to do it. Thankfully, Regina pretty much tells him that it isn’t her problem and he needs to leave her alone like she told him last episode.

Over in the Sheriff station, Emma and Elsa (Georgina Haig) try a spell to take away the Snow Queen’s powers. They talk about being only ones in their family with magic. Elsa said it’s hard when they look at them differently. Emma says her family never has. The spell doesn’t seem to work and she goes off to find Snow (Ginnifer Goodwin) because she is babysitting replacement baby.

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Maybe if Regina helped with this?

In the Baby Class of Missing Characters, Snow and replacement baby are hanging out with Cinderella/Ashley like she hasn’t been missing for three seasons and her son — wasn’t it a girl? — and Aurora (Sarah Bolger) and the Sleeping Warrior cock-block baby like they haven’t been missing since 3B started.

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Any idea where we have been? Or your father? Or most importantly, your stepmother?!

Anyway, the only thing that happened is that Emma made the baby bottle glow and Snow looked freaked out. I’ve never really been behind the theory everyone wants to apply to Frozen that Elsa’s powers or magic in this show is a metaphor for homosexuality, because it is about a weak of a metaphor as it was when everyone said that about the original X-Men trilogy. But, there are a whole lot of people behind it and if it were to be true, Snow gets really magic-hating/homophobic from this point forward.

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You used to be my favorite character

Charming (Josh Dallas) calls Emma and Elsa to the clock tower and they capture the Snow Queen a little too easily.

There are a few Arendelle flashback scenes with the show trying to pass Elizabeth Mitchell and two other mid-twenty actresses off as teenagers. It is pretty much a recycled plot from Frozen. Helga is super cute and the Duke of Weasalton is trying to get with her. Ingrid is hiding out in her room from the ball.

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We get it, she’s Elsa.

Later on, Ingrid says she wants Helga to take over the Arendelle, not her. She agrees but she won’t let her leave the kingdom. They travel to Misthaven/the Enchanted Forest to find a way to control Ingrid’s powers from Rumple (Robert Carlyle). He asks for the ribbon bracelets saying something about love being a powerful magic. Gerda doesn’t want to give them up, but Ingrid forces them to. In return he gives Ingrid magic gloves to conceal not feel her powers and that magic urn that Anna (Elizabeth Lail) supposedly trapped Elsa in.

Sometime, later Ingrid is sitting in that gazebo that the show has used a few too many times and the Duke walks in wanting to see the mysterious third princess of Arendelle. He tries to fondle her snow cleavage and she ices him out of the gazebo. He calls her a monster and starts freaking out at her, but luckily Helga walks over. She saw the whole thing and tries to stand up to the Duke and defend Ingrid. She gets mad and tries to ice the Duke again but Helga gets in the way. She hits her in the heart, but unlike when Elsa did so to Anna, Helga turns completely to ice and shatters. Ingrid is freaking out as Gerda finds her. She gets super scared, calls her a monster and traps her in the urn. She then goes to the fricking rock trolls to have anyone’s memories wiped.

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The Frozen mom is a bitch

The rest was kind of a crazy mess, so I just wanted to get the good part out of the way. So back in Storybrooke, Emma and honorary Sheriff Deputy Elsa go question the Snow Queen. After the Snow Queen tells Elsa Anna trapped her because she was afraid of her, Elsa starts to flip and Emma tells her to go help the useless men do something with the mirror. I don’t know, they stared at it until Belle (Emilie de Ravin) realized it wasn’t the right one.

I’m annoyed that I almost didn’t mention a Regina scene but nothing important really happened. Regina is determined to complete Operation Mongoose and Henry (Jared Gilmore) has to wear a suit to work. Jared Gilmore already went from a child to a grown ass man between seasons and putting him in a suit is not making it any better.

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Though it is dapper and cute

So, the Snow Queen is telling Emma her family isn’t her real family because they never raised her and they don’t have magic. She also says “you can’t love someone that you don’t understand,” which in the context of this show means only Emma and Regina really love each other based on what Emma said during the SwanQueen fanfic episode. Anyway, Emma gets pissed and starts losing control of her magic. She blows a hole through the Sheriff station wall. The Snow Queen poofs away and Emma runs outside to meet the idiot band.

Emma tells everyone to stay away from her. Of course, Hook (Colin O’Donoghue) tries to get closer, Emma accidentally knocks over a street light. Charming dives to push his boyfriend out of the way and gets hit by the lamp. Snow blames the men’s stupidity on Emma because I hate Snow so much now. Emma runs off and annoying doesn’t go to Elsa or Regina, the two people who could have helped in this situation. Elsa was the only person to tell Emma they could help her.

But, Regina is too busy with a stupid story line giving off a great family message. Robin, who isn’t trying to save his wife but making Regina do it, then goes to Regina in her vault and tells her he can’t stay away from her and then starts making out with her. Because Regina making out with a married guy, good to go. Regina admitting her feelings to her son’s other mother, how dare you put that filth on this show.

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The episode ends with the Snow Queen going to Rumple and trading something for the three ribbon bracelets. They make a deal that she will give him the power to break his bond to the dagger and be able to leave Storybrooke unaffected if he lets her take over Storybrooke.

It’s still a pretty good and interesting plan. The episode did humanize the Snow Queen a lot, but she is still a pretty big nut. Next week is a two-hour episode and Regina wasn’t even in the promo, so I’m not really too excited for it.

 

 

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