Once Upon A Time: “Best Laid Plans” (S4Ep17)

I would just like to start this post by saying, this episode was terrible. We found out two important pieces of information, one which most fans already called and one that nobody would have guessed because it is too stupidly obvious. There were some Regina (Lana Parrilla) and Emma (Jennifer Morrison) scenes, but not enough to make up for all the boring Snow (Ginnifer Goodwin) and Charming (Josh Dallas) ones. Actually, their scenes were improved when Henry (Jared Gilmore) was in them. I can’t believe I just said a scene was improved by Henry. Congrats, Grown Ass Man Jared Gilmore you’ve made me like Henry.

I know there are a lot of different ships on this show and people are really intense about them, but is anyone still shipping Snowing? They are like the boring aunt and uncle that have been married your entire life, never fight and have antique furniture instead of a TV in their living room. But, hey let’s devote a whole episode to them being stupid, horrible parents and doing something we already know about.

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We start in the Enchanted Forest with Snowing trailing a unicorn. Snow says according to legend touching a unicorn’s horn will give you a glimpse of your child’s life. When Charming does he gets a vision of Baby Emma in a basket and sees that she is going to be good. But, Snow gets a vision of Young Emma (Abby Ross) taking out her heart and crushing it. Snow pleads that she is her mother. Young Emma says she doesn’t care.

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In Storybrooke, Regina is with Emma, Henry and passed out August (Eion Bailey) at Mary Margret’s apartment. Regina says the QoD minus its diversity, plus Rumple (Robert Carlyle) are waiting for her to return with the story book page of the door. They realize she can’t take it because the Author is trapped in it. Emma makes a replica of the page with magic and tells Regina to take it. She points out that her magic trick isn’t going to trick Rumple. She takes a picture of it with her phone because the QoD and Rumple don’t know the Author is in the book. Regina heads off and Emma and Henry take August to the fairies because of his magic sickness or something. It was all just an excuse for the show to shoehorn in a love triangle for Emma with two men she was no sexual tension with.

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Later, Hook (Colin O’Donoghue) tells Emma that Rumple’s plan is to fill her heart with darkness. Emma points out that that is absurd, she clearly isn’t evil so they have nothing to fear. Henry points out that the Author can’t un-savior the savior. Thank you Emma and Henry for saying what I have been since the start of 4B.

Snow and Charming, who are whispering but standing right next to three other characters in the world’s smallest four-person apartment, say they are still worried that Emma will go evil because they made Maleficent loss her baby.

Over at Rumple’s cabin, Regina shows the photo of the door to everyone. Cruella (Victoria Smurfit) says it is useless because of the glare. Rumple realizes it isn’t a glare, but magic. He figures out the Author is trapped in the book and they need to find it. Regina is concerned.

Back in the Enchanted Forest, Snowing is heading back to their palace but are met with a Walking Plot Device. He tells them to change course because Maleficent (Kristen van Bauer Straten) has burned everything in the path to protect the egg she laid. He redirects them to the Sorcerer’s house, where they are met by his Apprentice.

The Apprentice invites them in. Snow is still worried about their differing vision of their future children, which they both continue to call it even though they both saw that she is girl. Also, I think they writers forgot Snow figured out before they were even married that their first child would be a daughter. The Apprentice says all children are born as a blank slate with equal possibility for darkness and goodness. He says there is a spell they can preform but they have to transfer their future child’s darkness to another blank slate. Charming says they can’t do that to another child. Snow adds the Walking Plot Device said Maleficent laid an egg and they could use that because as Maleficent offspring it must be horrible. You know who is actually horrible in this episode: Snow.

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Back in Storybrooke, Maleficent casts a sleeping curse over the entire town so the QoD and Rumple can go in and find the page. They head to Mary Margret’s apartment. Cruella says she wants to snap sleeping Emma’s neck. An overly concerned Regina tells her not to, but quickly adds killing the savior would be problematic at this stage. Rumple is starting to figure everything out and says Regina lied to them about the page’s location. She says it was in the apartment two hours ago. Rumple realizes Henry must of taken it. People who have been subjected to a sleeping curse are immune to it. Wait, Snow has been put under a sleeping curse twice. Oh sorry, I forgot this show doesn’t have continuity for a second.

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Snow and Charming are also immune apparently and decided they have to protect Emma as all cost. Charming decides they need to destroy the page so Rumple can’t get his happy ending or corrupt Emma. Snow says Regina will not get her happy ending either. He says there has to be another way and they need to think of Emma. They get a call from Henry and tell him they will meet him at the Author’s house.

Snowing continues their terribleness in the Enchanted Forest. They steal Maleficent’s egg, bring it to the Apprentice. He give it all of Emma’s darkness and sends it through a portal to a land without magic where it can’t hurt anyone. Also, Cruella and Ursula (Merrin Dungy) pop out of nowhere and fall into the portal too. Good writing there, OUAT. Snowing promised Maleficent they would give her the egg back, so they get upset about how horrible they are.

Now I’m confused. Snow says in a later scene that she and Charming are not heroes anymore and maybe they can’t help Emma stay on the path of good until they have redeemed themselves, but that spell worked. Emma doesn’t have the possibility of going dark. So, what are we fearing now?

Back in Storybrooke, Snow and Charming agree to tell Emma everything. She doesn’t take it too well because they have been lying to her all half season. She gets pissed and storms out saying to Snow the same thing Young Emma did in Snow’s vision.

While Emma is moping on a Regina-less bench, Henry figures out the page and finds the key to the door. But, Regina and the QoD came in. She demands the page from Henry. He gives her the fake one. It doesn’t take long of Rumple to figure out it is fake. He realizes Regina has been playing them.

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Snow and Charming arrive too late at the Author’s house. They lie to Henry because they are horrible in this episode. Idiot Charming actually yells at Henry, who is clearly the hero of this episode. They decided to not burn the page and kill the Author. Back in the Enchanted Forest, Snow says heroes don’t do what is easy they do what is right.

Emma goes to see August. Her parents are already there. She is about to release the Author. August gives more Author exposition. The Author is job not a specific person. The Author has written down the greatest stories for generations. The last Author started to manipulate the story book, to make everything real, and the Sorcerer and his Apprentice, who are the ones that chose the Author, trapped him in the book. And stupidly obvious reveal, the Author’s name is Walt. Emma releases him and he is the Walking Plot Device from the Enchanted Forest.

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He starts to run away, Emma chases him out into the middle of the street but loses him.

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Oh and Maleficent’s daughter is Lily, but we called that. Overall, this episode sucked and the promo had Robin and Zelena in it. We have officially hit that terrible part of the B season.

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