I think I like American Horror Story: Roanoke

I really don’t know how I feel about American Horror Story: Roanoke. For a series that I truly think peaked in its second season, I sometimes wonder why I even come back every season. It is always with differing degrees of excitement. I was pretty excited for season three and it was super fun nonsense. Season four was OK. I gave up after about five episodes of season five. But, I have decided to stick with season six. Though I am not sure if it is out of enjoyment or curiosity.

I didn’t start watching this season right when it started airing, which is something I haven’t done since season one. I had given up after the bit of Hotel I had watched. But, from being told it had a strange new format and that Sarah Paulson was looking incredibly attractive, I decided I would tune in.


And for the most part, I think I like AHS: Roanoke. It might get a bit of slack because it has basically been two shows within one season. The first was the fake documentary series. Now, I love a bad, low-budget true life haunting shows. So, I was a big fan of the first part of this season, because it had a hint of that and everything I like about this show; creepiest, actual scares and, the main draw for this show anymore, its cast. Sarah Paulson, Angela Bassett, Kathy Bates, Lily Rabe, Francis Conroy, minimalist Lady Gaga, eventually Evan Peters and Cuba Gooding Jr. making the jump over from American Crime Story.

In the earlier episodes, I was getting annoyed that nobody in the show seemed to know about the lost Roanoke colony, even when people were yelling Croatoan at each other. Did none of them take American history ever? But, I guess I shouldn’t be so annoyed given the amount of times characters on Designated Survivor have had to explain what a designated survivor is.

I do have to admit, I didn’t like “Chapter 6”, the first episode after My Roanoke Nightmare ended and Return to Roanoke: Three Nights in Hell began. Of all the possible actors to seeming be the lead of the second half of the season, why make it Cheyenne Jackson? He is all right, but within my view of this show he is just one of the indistinguishable white guys from season five. I know she is probably busy with Scream Queens but how great would it have been if that asshole producer was played by Emma Roberts? Or hell even Taissa Farmiga, just someone I know and like.

There was one thing I really, really liked about the big twist of season six; the show finally put Sarah Paulson and Evan Peters together in a romantic way (and more than just at the very end like in season four). Though Sarah Paulson’s incredibly bad British accent was distracting me, she and Evan Peters were great. But because this show always has some problems, it kills Rory (Evan Peters’ character) way too quickly. It also killed his My Roanoke Nightmare character way too quickly.


The show seemed to course correct a lot of the problems I had with “Chapter 6” in “Chapter 7”. It killed Cheyenne Jackson very quickly and Sarah Paulson toned down the accent and started sounding less like Mary Poppins and more like an actual British woman.

“Chapter 7” did suffer a bit because we already saw so many of the characters before just played by different people, and those people mostly being the actors who have been watching since 2011. It mostly made me wish the show had waited and had Francis Conroy playing the real Mama Polk and Lady Gaga playing the real Witch of the Woods. And I really thought the episode was building up for the real butcher to be someone we knew (Jessica Lange would have been an amazing surprise) but then she ended up being an actress I have never seen before.


Story wise, I have really been liking this season. It has had a few missteps but for the most part it is OK. I think I might start posting about it each week because hey it might not have the best story, Evan Peters and Kathy Bates might be dead but Sarah Paulson, Angela Bassett, Lily Rabe and Cuba Gooding Jr. are still running around. And that really is why I keep coming back.


American Horror Story: Hotel: “Chutes and Ladders” (S5Ep2)

This was a pretty good second episode for American Horror Story Hotel. It answered a few of the thousand questions it raised last episode, it created a few others, it told us that John (Matt Bomer) might not be crazy but again it had a few scenes I feel were not necessary and introduced another pretty, brunette white dude.


CJ "Winter's Tale" World Premiere - Inside Arrivals

Anyway, this episode started incredibly slow. It was an hour and nine minutes so maybe I should cut it some slack but if you are going to be long television, you should earn it. We had a scene of doctor Alex (Chloe Sevginy), John’s wife, dealing with a yuppie mom who decide not to vaccinate her son and how he has measles. Maybe that was some way to show real horror in society of parents choosing to let their children get violently sick for weeks. But, it didn’t work as the real horror of Lana’s gay conversion therapy in season two or the actual horror of Sally (Sarah Paulson) kissing Max Greenfield and then sewing him deeper into her mattress.

Fashion designer and new owner of the hotel Will (Cheyenne Jackson) is hosting a fashion show there.  The Countess (Lady Gaga) and Donovan (Matt Bomer) swagger down at some point and watch the show. John and his daughter Scarlett (Shree Cooks) get roped into attending. Scarlett hangs out with Will’s 2007 emo band member son Lachlan, who gets bored rather quickly and wants to show something actually cool to Scarlett. He takes her downstairs to the abandoned swimming pool. I’m torn by this location because 1) of course roaming kids end up in an abandoned swimming pool in a haunted hotel, 2) why are the coffins for the vampire children, including the one for Holden, Scarlett’s twin, who was kidnapped four years ago, in there and 3) is this the same abandoned swimming pool set Violet and that popular girl Tate traumatized in season one went to smoke by? If so, that is a cool connection.

Lachlan says the children never watch up but the Holden one awakes when Scarlett stands above him.

Back at the fashion show, The Countess sets her sights on model, junkie, bad-boy Tristan Duffy (Finn Wintrock). After he snorts either pills or meth before and after his first trip down the runway, Will kicks him out of the show. He stumbles around the hotel and ends up in Room 64. Evan Peters dressed in an old timey suit and sporting a pencil mustache and 1920s accent, has The Maid (Mare Winningham) bring in a bound up hooker. He tells Tristan he doesn’t have any drugs for him but he has something far better. Murder. He then murders the girl and the Maid excitedly goes to wash the sheets. Well, welcome to season five Evan Peters.

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Tristan ends up in The Countess and Donovan’s room eventually. Donovan tries to strangle him but the Countess stops him. She then bits him and starts to look much less like a strung out junkie. This episode seems to confirm that the vampire characters are actually vampires. Though Lady Gaga does call it “their virus” but I’m not sure why. She does say they are immortal and she was born in 1904, more on that later.

Before we get to the well done exposition dump that was the last 20 minutes of this episode, we find out that John was an alcoholic, who drank to numb away the gruesomeness of his detective work. Apparently he was on a two-day binge before he took his family to the San Monica pier in 2010 when Holden was kidnapped.  Why have all the leads since season two been addicts of some sort?

Also, Scarlett catches the bus to the hotel to see Holden. She has more luck than her father, who was just randomly running around the halls but kept ending back at the bar with Sally and Liz Taylor (Denis O’Hare). Scarlett finds Holden in the brightly-light room filled with candy and video games from the 1980s that the vampire children hang out in. Vampire-Holden doesn’t make it clear if he remembers Scarlett or not. She tries to take a picture with him to prove to their parents he is alive. He tries to bite her though and she quickly runs home. Her parents have freaked and called the cops. She throws her phone at John, when he tells her Holden is dead. There is a blur beside Scarlett in the photo but that is all.

The last 20 minutes were really the best part of this episode. John ends up at bar with Iris (Kathy Bates), she agrees to tell him everything about the hotel so he will not arrest her for kidnapping, murder, John doesn’t even know. The hotel was built by oil tycoon John Patrick March (Evan Peters) in 1925. He was a bit of an insane serial killer, who built the hotel as a consistent ability for his murders. There are body shoots from multiple of the rooms and  hallways that lead to nowhere. Also, his office was Room 64. He was caught, a little too easily one day. Iris thinks it was by his wife, a blonde who conveniently never showed her face because cough, cough Lady Gaga, who inherited his millions.

He killed his victims in ways that displayed the 10 commandments and someone seems to be picking up his work as John has discovered, so is that why the 10 commandments are in the credits?

Also, in this episode newly made vampire Tristan meets up with a hipster dude from Tinder, it seems. He starts to make out with him in the elevator up to the Countess room. They kill him and drink his blood and then make out with each other a lot.

photo 3

Again, I am confused with this show’s LGBTQ representation. Tristan says in this scene he is not gay. So, has this show essentially introduced its third, at least, bisexual character but still avoided saying the word bisexual? Why? Why do television never say bisexual, like it is too much for the masses to handle? Did I mention Sarah Paulson sewed a guy who was nearly butt raped to death into a mattress this episode?

photo 1

Regardless, I am liking this season so far. See you next week.

American Horror Story: Hotel: “Checking In”

Somehow I was unaware that American Horror Story was starting until my incredibly straight Dandy-obsessed sister/roommate started yelling on Tuesday that Finn Winnick was going to be in this season. I hadn’t thought much about the show because all the stuff about Sarah Paulson and Lily Rabe was announced a while ago. So, come Wednesday night my sister, her boyfriend and I sat down to watch the premiere of AHS: Hotel, hoping it would be better than Freak Show but knowing it is unlikely it will be as good as Asylum. I mean, the show is missing a main aspect of its success:

We start at the Hotel Cortez in modern day LA as two Swedish girls check into the hotel that is not what they expected and is creeping them out. They want to leave but the desk clerk Iris (Kathy Bates) tells them there are no refunds.

They are put in Room 64. One was murdered possibly by Lady Gaga, I think, in the hallway but returns to the room. She and the other smell something coming from the mattress. They cut it opened and a monster-y, corpse-y guy crawls out.

And credits, which have the 10 commandments in them. Is the Hotel supposed to be Hell?

Weirdly, I am not as annoyed by Lady Gaga swooping in and taking Jessica Lange’s vacant lead role from Sarah Paulson or Evan Peters (where was he?!) or another well established member of the series as I thought I would be. As my sister and I decided Lady Gaga is an eccentric, creepy weirdo and so is her character the Countess. Also, she hasn’t had too much dialogue so it is working so far.

One thing that is not working is the season’s gaggle of rather similar looking pretty white men. I mean:

Wes Bentley plays detective John Lowe. We watch him go through a gruesome and disturbing crime scene that seems completely unrelated to the plot and then look at some equally disturbing crime scene photos back at his office. He is rather uninteresting until he gets a FaceTime from his daughter Scarlet (Shree Crooks). Actually, that scene wasn’t what made him interesting because I was distracted by how bad the dialogue was. I actually started to care about him when he gets home to watch his daughter as his doctor wife Alex (Chloe Sevigny, welcome back) has to go out to make house calls for rich people. Because you know, LA.

The show does a good job slowly revealing what the Lowe family’s big secret is. In 2010, the family was at the Santa Monica pier when Scarlet’s twin bother Holden was abducted off a merry-go-round, why is that a TV cliche? Anyway, the guy who supposedly did it has started calling and texting John from a cloned version of Alex’s phone. John agrees to move out because he is afraid the guy is going to come after him and it would be safer for Alex and Scarlet if he wasn’t near them. He goes to the hotel, because he was there earlier and saw the Vampire Twins. They look a whole lot like his kids five years ago. Also, they killed the other Swedish girl.

Matt Bomer plays Donovan, who is Lady Gaga’s lover and Kathy Bate’s son. He was drawn to the hotel by Sarah Paulson’s character Sally in 1994 to do heroin. He OD’ed and died in Sally’s room. Iris was following them and finds him while an indifferent Sally walks out. She is still high out of her mind and stands by an open window for too long. Iris pushes her and she falls about 12 stories to her death.

But, since she is still hanging around the hotel in the present, murdering a junkie played by another pretty white man in her room with the help of a skin demon with a dagger for a dick (?) and releasing one of the Swedish girls from Iris’ detox cages (?) so they could be murdered in the lobby by Lady Gaga, the theory from my viewing party was that most of the main characters/long-term residents of the hotel are dead.

AMERICAN HORROR STORY -- "Checking In" Episode 501 (Airs Wednesday, October 7, 10:00 pm/ep) Pictured: Sarah Paulson as Sally. CR: Suzanne Tenner/FX

Donovan and the Countess aren’t in the episode too much, but they go to a movie in the park night to watch Nosferatu, but end up picking up another couple instead. The four of them go back to the hotel. The couples partner swap (straightly) with a whole lot of no-naughty bits nudity and then Donovan and the Countess really violently kill them and drink their blood as the sexy music continues to play.

So with all that I know most people are not going to focus on the LGBTQ representation of the scene. But, from what I have read The Countess and Donovan are both bisexual. So yeah that scene was sexy and violent and weird, which I am sure is what the show was going for but it also seemed to be playing into the “all bisexuals are sluts” stereotype. Also, Lady Gaga and the chick kissed for like a split second with their hair covering their faces and Matt Bomer and the guy didn’t kiss. I, my super-ally sister and her bisexual boyfriend were a little annoyed by this. Hopefully, the queer representation displays itself better in the coming episodes.

Cheyenne Jackson is the last pretty white man who plays Will Drake, a fashion designer and new owner of the hotel who moved in with his son Lachlan, who looks like a member of an emo-rock boy band from 2007. Will quickly pisses off Donovan by bursting into his room and talking about how the building and LA sing to him. The Countess seems to get along with him better. Iris is convinced they are all going to be out on the streets soon.

Other returning cast members that made it into this episode were Denis O’Hare, who is playing Liz Taylor, a wig-less, always in drag (?) drag queen who seems to share Iris’ duties. Also the show made an excellent subtle callback and connected this season to the first season by having Marcy (Christine Estabrook), the realtor who was hopeless trying to sell the Murder House, return as the realtor showing Will and Lachlan around the hotel.

Overall, I am liking this season so far. It seems to be making a whole lot of The Shining references. There have also been a lot of Silent Hill similarities, especially to Silent Hill: The Room. Not sure if that is intentional or not. I am intrigued by the possibility of the hotel being Hell and if the vampire seeming characters are actually vampires or just murderous humans who like to drink blood. Though the basic framework of the story, a building inhabited mostly by dead people tormenting the living residents, is the same as season one, I think the show has introduced enough elements to make it different, good and interesting.

American Horror Story season 4 thoughts

I didn’t write about Freakshow. I tried with American Horror Story’s fourth season, but I couldn’t get through writing the first post because I realized I didn’t really care. In the first episode it was clear it had the potential to be great but it just wasn’t. There are about seven minutes of build-up in the episode to Bette and Dot or two-headed Sarah Paulson. But, Sarah Paulson did all the press for this season, we knew that was coming. If we had no idea and then boom! Two-headed Sarah Paulson! That would have been awesome. It was so much wasted potential.


That is how I felt about the entire season. The season also seemed to set itself up to have this problem. The scary, creepy hook for this season was the “freak” characters. But, we find out very early on that the “freaks” are not scary or creepy at all. It’s the “normal” people that are.

That made the freakshow’s back drop of characters not be scary or creepy but just a bunch of underdeveloped characters. The show told us the “freak” characters are not defined but what makes them freaks, but it didn’t develop any of them — except for possibly Paul — enough to give us anything else to define them.

As for the main characters, with the exception of Dandy, they were all just all right.

I have to give the best acting credits to Sarah Paulson and Angela Bassett. Sarah Paulson spent most of this season acting off herself and Bette and Dot had the best character development and arch of any of the characters. Angela Bassett was just as great and enjoyable at Desiree as she was as Marie.

I’m really annoyed that Elsa was Jessica Lange’s last character on the show. It fit with the show’s wasted potential problem. All of Jessica Lange’s characters, have been faded, past their prime, addicts, desperately trying to regain the power they once had. That’s probably the show’s intention and I get that, but it would have been cool for her to have been a level-headed badass just once. She’s Jessica Lange for fuck sake. Even Sister Jude, who might be my favorite fiction character ever, fell into this, but she at least broke out of it earlier than the other characters did. Also, why the accent? I know what a Berliner accent sounds like and I know what an American faking a German accent sounds like. That was the latter.


Evan Peter’s character Jimmy seemed to fall somewhere between Kit and Tate. He was kind of weepy and you felt sorry for him, but he also wasn’t a dead school shooter like Tate. He had some leadership qualities and generally I liked him but he wasn’t as honorable or open-minded as Kit.

Kathy Bates’ Ethel was a good character, even though I felt the hokey accent held the character back a bit. Frances Conroy’s Mrs. Mott was great but like all Frances Conroy’s characters she wasn’t around enough.

So to Dandy. Finn Wittrock was great and creepy and scary and everything this show is supposed to be. He tried to buy Bette and Dot in the first episode. He murder a ton of people, multiple in his playroom while crying. He then proudly exclaimed he is a serial killer to his childhood best friend while naked. And then he bathed in a claw-foot bathtub filled with blood. Now that is the kind of fucked up I am looking for from you, AHS.

Twisty was horrify too and I liked him. But, he was killed in the fourth episode. Leaving, all our horror to came from Dandy and Stanley. The “freak’s” vigilant justice wasn’t scary, because none of the characters were and we wanted that to happened. I wanted to see Meryl Streep’s Daughter’s dad be tarred and feathered and I wanted Stanley to get turned into the thing from the end of Freaks (1932).

Remember when people went missing in Asylum and they were either abducted by aliens, being turned into monsters by an ex-Nazi doctor or getting skinned by a serial rapist. That was way better than being kidnapped and murder by a con-artist with a big dick and barely-a-bad-guy Emma Roberts.

Also the final killing off of the characters seemed unceremonious. In all the other seasons, there has always been a slow dwindling of all the characters until only one is alive (or hasn’t died, in Coven’s case). Freakshow seemed like it didn’t work up to that well enough and had to have Dandy waltz through the freak show with a gun at the end to get us to that point.


Freakshow did break the one surviving character rule by have four (Desiree, Jimmy, Bette and Dot) left alive. I’m not sure how I feel about that, it seems to lower the stakes.

The way I feel about this series is that Murder House was OK, Asylum was freaking awesome, Coven was a fun hot mess and Freakshow was blah.

American Horror Story: “The Seven Wonders” (S3ep13)

With the excitement built up from the second last episode and the knowing the supreme would be chosen, which this season has been teasing since almost the beginning, I went into this episode rather excited. The season finale for American Horror Story: Coven was very well done. It gave us everything we wanted to see, killed multiple characters, remained us of long forgotten details, broke the mold of how the first two seasons ended and gave us a few things that I’m not really sure we needed but were fun anyway. I’m looking at you Stevie Nicks training montage, music video opening.

traning montage

As Stevie Nicks wonders through the house singing, Madison (Emma Roberts), Zoe (Taissa Farmiga), Queenie (Gabourey Sidibe) and Misty (Lily Rabe) are prepping for the Seven Wonders. Zoe is rather boring because for some reason her characters are always a little boring, Madison is being a diva, Queenie has a photo of Nan nearby — aww, remember when they were friends, and Misty is bringing plants back to live in Cordelia’s (Sarah Paulson) plant room because the show needed to remind us of all the missed femslash opportunities there.

The girls all get ready and Cordelia and Myrtle (Frances Conroy) have them eat the last supper and warn them about the dangers of the Seven Wonders. Of course, everyone is being there normal selves so Madison and Queenie are not worried, Zoe looks a little concerned and Misty is adorably nervous.

last supper

After the last couple of episodes, I had no idea who the strongest of the four was going into this episode. During the first challenge, which was making a candle move so they can blow it out, Misty takes much longer than the others and I started to get a little worried. The next challenge is controlling each others minds and Misty seems evenly matched with Queenie. Then Madison and Zoe go up against each other. Madison decides to take this as a chance to get out her anger about Kyle (Evan Peters) choosing Zoe over her. She makes Kyle come over and kiss her until Zoe makes him come over and kiss her. Cordelia gets feed up with this and throws Kyle against the wall stopping the fighting between the former members of the zombie threesome.

Also, as my sister pointed out, Kyle was being treated and acting a lot like Spadling (Denis O’Hare) in this episode. No, please stop, gross.

last supper

The next challenge for everyone is to go down into hell and come back within a time limit. Queenie does it in about five seconds because she was the only one who had done it before. This episode continued the awesome personal hell idea from the last episode. Queenie was back in the chicken restaurant. Zoe’s was Kyle breaking up with her again and again, because of course it was. Madison was that she was in that live version of the Sound of Music, lolz. They all wake up and realize Misty is still in her hell and the time is running out.

Like, everything about her, Misty’s hell is adorable. She is in eighth grade science class dissecting a frog. She keeps bringing it back to life, a boy tells on her and the teacher makes her kill it again and again. Misty, being the least trained of all the witches, can’t break out of her hell and the time runs out. Cordelia cradles her body and cries until Misty’s body disappears!


To try to lighten the mood after Misty’s death and remember that they were once all friends, Madison, Zoe and Queenie decide to turn the transmutation challenge into a game of tag. It was fun and entertaining to watch. Once again, Cordelia reminds them of the dangers of the Seven Wonders and this happens to Zoe:


This gets turned into the bringing something back to life challenge. Queenie can’t do it, so if Madison can she passes. But, Cordelia said Zoe would also be back in the running and Madison doesn’t like that idea. She kills a fly and brings it back. She is pissed when nobody agrees that she is the supreme and storms out.

Cordelia and Myrtle then go off to try to figure out what to do now. Cordelia admits that if Madison a.k.a Mini Fiona (Jessica Lange) is the next supreme maybe the coven is better off if it dies out. Myrtle says that is ridiculous and tells Cordelia she could be the supreme. She was always incredible powerful but was consistently getting knocked down by Fiona and the other witches.

Cordelia agrees to join. I always wondered why Cordelia was never consisted to be the supreme. She catches up in a much nicer and cuter way and then Madison decides to join again. They get to divinations and Cordelia passes but Madison can’t. She gets rather pissed and storms out again.

Cordelia  then goes to do the bringing back to life challenge and is able to wake Zoe up. But, Kyle was not told that this was going on downsides and finds Madison up in her room. He is pissed that she wouldn’t bring Zoe back and kills her for it. Then Spalding comes and offers to get rid of the body for Kyle. Gross, Spalding. She was already packing, so everyone thinks she ran away.


Cordelia is then able to fix her eyes. Yay, Sarah Paulson’s face! She is crowned the supreme and decides to go public about the coven to help other witches. She does a newscast, which might have been a reference to last season. She decides to make Zoe and Queenie the new members of the witch council because the are going to be the most senior members of the growing coven.


Cordelia offers the top spot to Myrtle but she says she has to pay for her what she did to the council. After much fighting from Cordelia, Myrtle is taken out into the desert and burned at the stake again. A little while later, there are about 100 witches outside and Zoe and Queenie ask Cordelia if they should start letting the next generation in. Cordelia says there is one last thing she needs to take care of.

She walks downstairs and finds a very close to death Fiona smoking and drinking. In an awesome twist, she didn’t die last episode. She enhanced goat’s blood to make is feel like her own and gave fake memories to the Axeman (Danny Houston) so when Cordelia used her second sight on him she would think Fiona was dead. Cordelia tells her there is nothing she can do to her anymore and she knows she is afraid for the first time ever. They actually hug and it was sweet. Then Fiona dies in Cordelia’s arms and wakes up in her personal hell with the Axeman. And I totally thought for a second that her room was Sister Jude’s room in Kit’s house from last season.


The season ends with Cordelia, Queenie and Zoe welcoming the new generation of witches into the Coven. One of them asks, ‘what’s a supreme?’ Queenie motions to Cordelia and says, ‘you’re looking at her.’


Overall, I liked this season. Despite, the rapid racism, multiple violent deaths and torture, it seemed lighter and more fun then last season. The coven was modern and cool and we wanted it to last forever, just like it was set up to in the end. The Asylum was dark and horrible and we just wanted everyone to escape it forever, which they did in the end but everyone expect Lana was also dead. I still like Asylum more but Coven was awesome in its own way. I also liked that more than one character was alive at the end, so that doesn’t become a predictable thing for every season.

I have heard a ton a speculation about season four. But, I will get into that in another post. For now, let’s take the time to appreciate Coven for what it was and be sad that we have to wait eight months for move American Horror Story. 

American Horror Story: “Go to Hell” (S3Ep12)

There was a lot of death in this episode of American Horror Story, which is something I have learned to expect with this show. But, twice I was shocked by the gruesomeness. This was a good second last episode and I think more people are going to be alive at the end than the previous two seasons. But, they killed off Jessica Lange!

The episode started with silent film footage that explained the Seven Wonders to be the supreme. It was very informed and kept with picking the supreme being a long standing tradition. I liked it. The best way to start a widely popular show? I’m not sure. We were getting the footage because Fiona (Jessica Lange) was explaining it to Queenie (Gabourey Sidibe), who thinks she is the supreme and will take the test on Saturday.

Queenie asks where Marie (Angela Bassett) is and we flash to LaLaurie (Kathy Bates) chopping her up in the basement while she is still alive. That scene was really getting close to the line of what I can handle from this show.

well shit

But don’t worry, Queenie ended up finding LaLauire, who has escaped back to her house. Queenie had made a deal with Papa Legba? to let her kill the immoral LaLauire because she killed Marie, meaning she could not longer be of service to him in the moral realm. Queenie stabs her and sends her into her own special hell, which is her being locked in her torture attic with her daughters as Marie is forced to torture the daughter, but not LaLaurie. Papa Legba? is good.


I just wanted to get that out of the way because that was story line B and story line A involved every character and took up the rest of the episode.

First off, the show did this to Sarah Paulson’s face, right after we got it back:

1 aw her face

Cordelia is trying to figure out what happened to Misty (Lily Rabe). Madison (Emma Roberts), who buried Misty alive in that graveyard,  will not let her touch her, but it turns out Cordelia’s second sight isn’t working that well. Fiona is downstairs getting her supreme painting done but start bleeding uncontrollably in the middle of it. She realizes that she is actually about to die this time and gets ready to leave the witches, the Axeman (Danny Houston) and the Cordelia behind.

Cordelia finds her and she gives her her mother’s necklace. The necklace restores Cordelia’s second sight and she is able to see that Fiona plans to kill everyone in the Coven and then get on a plane all within two days. Continuing her heroic — but also completely insane — actions from last week, Cordelia then goes to the Axeman to tell him that Fiona will not be riding off into the sunset with him. I’m not really sure what Cordelia’s end game was. Did you want Fiona dead? Did she just want her distracted or out of the way?

rockin it

Whichever it was she plants a good seed of doubt in the Axeman. Back at the house, Myrtle (Frances Conroy) is putting poisonous plants around because you know magic… I think she is just nuts. Anyway, she can tell if people are lying and seems pretty convinced that Madison knows what happened to Misty. All the possible supremes’ powers have been evolving this episode, so maybe Madison blocked it.

Meanwhile, Cordelia was able to use Misty’s belongings to see where she was. She brought Queenie along, probably to drive her because she is blind, but also break down the tomb and bring Misty back to live. While this is happening Zoe (Taissa Farmiga) and Kyle (Evan Peters) arrive back at the Coven because he went all Frakenkyle and killed a guy in Florida. But, Zoe brought him back to live and realized she must be the next supreme. Just then, Cordelia, Misty and Queenie walk in, which leads to a very entertaining chick fight between Misty and Madison.

But, it is broken up by the Axeman running at them with his ax. Madison says he walked into the wrong house and everyone magics him across the room. Cordelia recognizes his voice and tells everyone he is the Axeman. Myrtle points out he is mortal now and that he got blood on the floor. But, it isn’t his. Cordelia can tell it is Fiona’s.

chick fight over

In a flashback/Cordelia seeing the event through the Axeman, Fiona goes to the Axeman’s apartment for regular sexy times. But, he finds the plane ticket that Cordelia said would be in her purse. He gets rather mad and a little rape-y about Fiona having never loved him and just using him because she wanted to feel something before she died. She also said she was going to kill all the witches. So, she would stop dying until the next generation’s supreme comes into power in about 30 years. Fiona’s was never a good person or that much of a  likable character, but she was Jessica Lange. So of course, I loved her and screamed at my computer when the Axeman axed her in the back.

The witches are not very happy to hear that the their supreme is dead. Kyle starts to drag the Axeman away because he is the Coven’s guard dog.Misty points out they don’t need a man to protect them as they all make knives fly off the wall and repeatedly stab the Axeman as Cordelia stands all sad in the corner with Myrtle.

The episode ends with Cordelia saying Fiona was a powerful witch and an awesome bitch but a terrible supreme. Especially since she didn’t name a successor. Because Cordelia is just as clueless to who it is as we are Zoe, Madison, Misty and Queenie will all be undergoing the Seven Wonders on Sunday at dawn. Fiona did warn that many a witch has died during the Seven Wonders, but hopefully more than just one person survives this season of American Horror Story. It was Jessica Lange in season one and Sarah Paulson in season two. Lily Rabe, Evan Peters and Frances Conroy are the other three-season cast members, so one of them maybe?


American Horror Story: Coven double recap (S3Ep10 and Ep11)

I had taken a longer break than everyone else from American Horror Story: Coven. I had another job switch and a move. But, I will not get into that because you are not here to hear about me. You want to know what is happening on an Emmy award winning show that can kill two main/main-ish characters in one episode, make Frances Conroy act like a nut and have a Stevie Nicks concert all in one episode. This is a two-episode post so enjoy.

“The Magical Delights of Stevie Nicks”

From the title I though this was just going to be a lot of Misty (Lily Rabe) and it was. But, it also dealt with all the events of the last episode — Hank shooting up Marie’s hair salon, Queenie possibly dying and Hot Neighbor Luke getting murdered by his mom — plus a whole lot of other stuff.

A substantial part of the episode is based around Fiona (Jessica Lange) and Marie’s (Angela Bassett) sudden partnership. After Hank’s rampage, they decide to team up. Marie tells Fiona and Cordelia (Sarah Paulson) that Hank was a witch hunter and she hired him to kill the white witches. But, she said he was a wimp and couldn’t do it and that Cordelia shouldn’t feel so betrayed because Marie got fooled by Hank too. Fiona doesn’t see it that way though and smacks her across the face calling blind in every sense of the word.

Fiona then turns her attention to molding Misty into the perfect Supreme. Her first step is to make Misty want it and she does that by inviting her idol Stevie Nicks over for drinks and an impromptu concert. The other witches are not too happen about Misty getting all the attention. Madison (Emma Roberts), who would really like if Fiona could invite over Eminem, is the most pissed saying she has to be the Supreme because she has multiple powers, came back from the dead and her death cured that heart murmur that made her ineligible.

misty the fangirl

The student-witches start it as a petty argument but really I have no idea who is the next Supreme. Well, it isn’t Zoe (Taissa Farmiga) because she didn’t have the strength to fight Nan while she killed Luke’s mom (Patti LuPone) for cremating Luke. But, it can’t be Nan either because she gets strangled in a bathtub by Fiona and Marie at the end of the episode. More on that later.


Cordelia, trying to make up for her mistakes, tracks down Hank’s father and the witch-hunting/finance company the Delphi Trust. Fiona is overly mean to Cordelia and yells at her to get out while she and Marie do a spell to make the company start to fail so the hunters will come to them. Cordelia hides out in the basement with her chemistry stuff and Myrtle (Frances Conroy).

Cordelia wines that she has lost everything — what even were her original powers? — and Fiona is right, she is a failure. Myrtle tells her she makes really good salad dressing and should bottle and sell it. I was laughing so much at Myrtle despite Cordelia’s breakdown.

Madison and Misty are following a very New Orleans funeral through the streets. Madison is trying to convince Misty that she isn’t the Supreme. Misty says she isn’t stupid and know what she is doing. Sadly, Madison was being a little too cunning for Misty, who spent most of the episode twirling in Stevie’s shawl. Madison is able to open the coffin, awake the dead guy and convince Misty to get close enough for her to knock her out and have her be buried instead. OK, I’m not the biggest Madison fan anymore, but that was an incredible smart way to rid of someone who can’t die because she was buried alive in one of the stone box tomb things.

Now to the crack and baby parts of the episode. During their growing friendship, Marie tells Fiona that she got her immorality from Papa Legba?, who is a demon-voodoo guy that can be summoned by crack. Sure. He asks for payment every year and for Marie is a newborn. Fiona decides to make a deal with him but he said he can’t because she doesn’t have a soul and he needs an innocent soul.


Nan gets mixed up in this by finding the newborn Marie stole from a hospital at the start of the episode. Fiona sees this as a chance for them to work together. So, they drown Nan in the bathtub and offer her soul and the baby to Papa Legba. He seemed pleased with Nan and them working together. But, I’m not 100 percent sure if Fiona got her immorality or not.

Better go watch the next episode.

“Protect the Coven”

This episode starts with the members of the Coven, Marie and Kyle (Evan Peters) having Nan’s (Jamie Brewer) funeral in the same graveyard where somewhere Misty (Lily Rabe) is buried. Speaking of undead characters, an SUV drives up and Queenie (Gabourey Sidibe) and LaLaurie (Kathy Bates) walk out. Queenie is pissed at everyone for letting her die and then forgetting about her. They all head back to the Coven.

bitches be back

This season has had a tendency to have long voice overs to get us more into the characters. This episode it was LaLaurie, who Queenie had kept in that debazzled Ed Hardy sweatshirt and was dragging around on a leash. Not kidding. The Coven turns her into a maid again.

We swoop around the Coven and get a glimpse of everyone while LaLaurie talks about killing slaves because she needed a hobby. We are getting close to the end and this part seemed to be setting up everything that was going to come crashing down by the end. Zoe, Kyle and Madison are still all sleeping together, Cordelia is trying everything to get her powers back and Fiona is leaving every night to go have sexy times with the Axeman (Danny Houston).

LaLaurie ends up killing the gardener in Spalding’s (Denis O’Hare) room. He agrees to help her kill Marie if she gets something for him. This whole story line turned to be Spalding tricking LaLaurie that Benadryl would kill Marie so he could get her out of the way and steal that baby she stole to make a living doll. LaLaurie did end up with an unconscious Marie at the end but I’m not sure what she did with her.

Zoe decides to figure out what happened to Nan and finds out that Fiona and Marie killed her together. Madison walks in but could care less and gets pissed when Kyle refused to have sex with her. She then attacks Zoe until Myrtle walks in and stops them. While this is going on upstairs in the basement, Cordelia has had enough with her mom and even Queenie calling her a failure. She starts to cover her eyes in some weird magic goop and I though it was going to burn them out but no. It was much worse.


Myrtle called Cordelia a hero and she did everything to protect the coven and get the sight back. But, we never saw Cordelia after she stabbed her eyes out, so I’m not sure if it did work or not. I really hope she isn’t dead.

Outside of the extra-crazy-this-week Coven house, Fiona and Marie agree to meet with Hank’s dad and the rest of the Delphi Trust. They offer a 100-year truce if they restore the witch-hunting/finance business. Of course, they deny that. Instead the Axeman come in and axed them all to death. Fiona and Marie then go home and have drinks until Fiona leaves to go see the Axeman. That is when LaLaurie tries to kill Marie with cough medicine.

Somewhere in all of this Myrtle tells Zoe that is isn’t save for her and Kyle in the Coven anymore. The episode ends with Zoe and Kyle running to techno music toward a bus to Orlando. And that was how the episode ended, which seemed like a not very suspenseful way to end the fourth last episode of the season.