Call The Midwife: “Season 5 Episode 8”

This was the second time this season I have gone into an episode terrified that a character might die. Though, it was only a speculation and a rumor for Episode 6 it was a certainty for Episode 8. And again the speculation, guesses and that photo, left me thinking it was either going to be Trixie or Sister Evangelina.

I had no outbursts of emotion or jumps of fear this time around. Everything was just a sinking feeling that something was about to go wrong. While Episode 6 was scary and shocking and upsetting, Episode 8 was emotionally draining and sad.

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Mature Jenny (voiced by Vanessa Redgrave) did scare me with her opening voice over. She is talking about the mark women leave on the world saying the most common view is their children and who they leave to carry on their legacy. She also talks about women not getting to. During this we are watching Trixie (Helen George) cycle down the street.

Over at the surgery, Dr. Turner (Patrick McGann) and Shelagh (Laura Main) are annoyed that birth control didn’t become as readily available as they thought it would. Still only married mothers can get it. We then cut over to the clinic as one mother is commenting on how wrapped up another baby is. It seemed weird and out of place and then I noticed the mother was Rhoda Mullock (Liz White), from Season 5 Episode 1.

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I’m pretty sure this is the first time a baby of the week mother has returned for another episode and it makes sense that it is for the thalidomide story line, the largest medical issue the show has ever tackled. Susan has been doing well and is able to hold a rattle and a spoon. Rhoda is still having some problems and Shelagh tells her everything will be all right. Dr. Turner then prescribes her a sleeping medication.

Later on, Fred (Cliff Pairsi) and Violet (Annabelle Apsion) run into Tessa, who is a relative of Violet’s, and her son, Mitchell. He just got back from Australia and his fiance is on her way. Tessa and Mitchell go to see Tom (Jack Asthon) because they need to plan a wedding, quickly because Noelle, Mitchell’s fiance, is pregnant. Tom agrees to help.

Next we see Tom, Barbara (Charlotte Richtie) is over at his place. They are planning a date. He wants to go to a movie, but she wants to talk with him and maybe dance. As soon as they kissed, I was thinking, ‘alright very cute, but can we cut to the cool couple.’ And then we cut to Delia (Kate Lamb) and Patsy (Emerald Fennell) in a coffee bar. I love you, Call The Midwife.

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We join them mid-conversation talking about Delia getting a passport. She needs her birth certificate, which her mother is bringing when she comes to visit. Patsy doesn’t look too happy about that fact. Then Delia notices the lady that always comes in and puts gin in her coffee is back. Patsy thinks she looks familiar but doesn’t know where she knows her from.

Back at Nonnatus, the nuns are going through storage boxes that were sent over from the Mother House. One of them contained the wedding dresses each of them wore when they took their vows. That practice has since changed, which is why we didn’t see Sister Mary Cynthia (Bryony Hannah) in one. Sister Evangelina is grumbling about hers and how she looked like a sideshow freak in it.

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Barbara is about to get called out to deliver a baby for a family that live in a cramped flat with fleas that doesn’t have running water. She asks Sister Evangelina, who told her earlier she isn’t doing anything with newborns because of her arm, to come with her. She says she will go but she is only doing the grunt work. Sister Evangelina goes to get water in the hall tap when the baby is born. She looks sad thinking about what she can’t do anymore. When she gets back upstairs, Barbara asks her to give the baby a bath because she is worried the water will get too cold before she is done with the mother. Sister Evangelina doesn’t agree until the power goes out, further proving Barbara’s point. She agrees and is able to do more than she thought she could.

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Sister Evangelina is all happy when they get home. She tells Barbara to find the cake she hid in one of the cabinets. It is missing and Sister Monica Joan (Judy Parfitt) wanders in with a plate blaming the mice. Sister Evangelina gets a little annoyed with her but goes and sits on the chair by the fire. Barbara goes and puts a blanket on her. Sister Evangelina thanks her.

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With all the build up and small character moments and Sister Evangelina being rather nostalgic, it was not hard to guess that she was going to die in her sleep on that chair. The next morning, we see Fred coming in from the garden, talking to himself and making jokes while kind of upbeat music plays. It was a touch that made this episode so sad, but it a completely different way than Episode 6. The levity stops when she doesn’t wake up after he knocks over the fireplace tools.

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When then cut to the Turners. Shelagh answers the phone and walks back into the living room and cries as she tells Dr. Turner he has to go to Nonnatus. I’ll just let the show speak for itself for a moment:

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Dr. Turner tells Sister Julienne (Jenny Agutter) and Sister Monica Joan that it was probably an aneurysm cause by another stroke in her sleep. He says since it was a sudden death, a postmortem will have to be done. Sister Monica Joan then launches into a tearful monologue about how she will not be able to be resurrected like the Lord and have her eyes in the afterlife if her body is cut up. Sister Julienne nearly losses it and tells her they will discuss that side later because they have a lot to do. She ends up not needing one.

Dr. Turner gets home and finds Shelagh crying at the kitchen table. He assumes it is because of Sister Evangelina but that is only part of it. The surgery received a notice to stop prescribing the sleeping medication that he has given to Rhoda Mullock and multiple others. There was also a letter to the editor in The Lancet, the medical journal they are always reading, linking thalidomide, which is in the sleeping medication, to birth defects.

They both freak out for a moment. Dr. Turner says he has given the medication to numerous women and Rhoda wasn’t on it when she gave birth. Also, the letter said there have not been any cases in England, but a few in other parts of Europe.

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They call Sister Julienne, who brings Nurse Crane (Linda Bassett) with her. The Turners say they need to see if there is any truth to their theory and see if it is what caused the problems. Nurse Crane tells Sister Julienne to go home because she has too much to do and send Patsy to help. So, Nurse Crane, Patsy and the Turners search through all the records and try to find out how Rhoda, Ruby Cottingham from Episode 4 and the mother of the boy born without thumbs could have gotten the medication.

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Them researching is cut with the sisters preparing Sister Evangelina for burial and Trixie, Delia and Barbara sewing a wedding dress. Noelle couldn’t find a real one, because she is nine months pregnant. Sister Mary Cynthia said she heard Sister Evangelina offer up her wedding dress for Noelle.

Sister Julienne agreed because of how determined Sister Evangelina was to keeping the vow of poverty, it was why she also refused free flowers and decided to have her layout in a smaller room in Nonnatus instead of a larger room that was offered for free by one of the funeral homes. There is a line past the archway outside of people waiting to see her.

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Nurse Crane and Patsy go around collecting the sleeping medication from everyone. Sister Julienne goes to the coffee bar Patsy and Delia were at earlier and sits with the lady who always puts gin in her coffee because it is Ruby Cottingham. She says she couldn’t take being with her other children anymore and can’t get the thought of her daughter out of her head. Sister Julienne asks her if she ever took the medication. She did and hands her bottle over to Sister Julienne after taking one more and washing it down with gin.

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Back at Nonnatus, Trixie runs into Nurse Crane in the kitchen. Patsy, Delia, Barbara and Tom went out to a pub, so Trixie stayed home. Nurse Crane tells her she looks lonely and asks if she is OK. Trixie starts to cry and then explains that she is and she isn’t even upset that she doesn’t have a man, that seeing Barbara and Tom together doesn’t even make her think about what she could have had. It just makes her realize that they found a place were they belong.

That is a better way of wording what I was trying to say about Trixie last week. It is not just that her three closest friends have been spending more time with their significant others: Delia, Tom and the church. It is that Patsy belongs with Delia, Barbara belongs with Tom and Sister Mary Cynthia belongs with the church. But, Trixie doesn’t know where she belongs. Nurse Crane tells her she will find it.

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We then go to Patsy and Delia getting lunch with Mrs. Busby, in the same restaurant as last time. She is complaining about the cost of rent Delia is having to pay at Nonnatus. Delia says it is fine because if she wants to enroll in a midwifery program, she will have to be in hospital approved housing anyway. Mrs. Busby says she doesn’t understand how she could want to do such messy, personal work. Patsy sounds pretty annoyed when she points out it is what she does.

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Mrs. Busby sounds about the same when she tells her she knows. In about the exact same way as in Episode 1, Patsy scoffs at her and then looks to Delia only to realizes she has given in. But, Patsy doesn’t back down this time. Patsy says Delia needs her birth certificate so she can get a passport because she isn’t going home to Wales for her holiday this year, she is going to Paris with Patsy. Mrs. Busby calls them “thick as thieves” with a mean bent but gives it to Delia saying she is a grown woman. She then tells her not to do anything to make her father cry.

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Well, that didn’t go as crazily as I thought it would, but it seems someone has officially figured out Patsy and Delia. Mrs. Busby was barely on my list of first people to figure it out.

Back at Nonnatus, Shelagh and Tim are going to visit Sister Evangelina and run into Rhoda and Susan Mullock in line. They had gone away for a few days and don’t know about the connection between the sleeping medication and birth defects. Shelagh takes her back to speak with Dr. Turner and they explain everything to her. She wasn’t prescribed the medication but her sister was and she gave her a few.

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Rhoda has a bit of a freak out realizing she did this to her daughter and her family. Dr. Turner tells her that isn’t true. I’m not sure she believed him and I’m not sure Dr. Turner doesn’t think it isn’t his fault.

Mitchell and Noelle have their wedding at the community center. Noelle goes into labor, still wearing Sister Evangelina’s dress, afterward. Sister Mary Cynthia and Trixie deliver the baby successfully. Noelle says the dress is ruined, but Sister Mary Cynthia tells her it just had the best day of its life.

The episode ends with Sister Evangelina’s funeral procession.

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Sgt. Noakes (Ben Chaplan) says people have lined up on every street from Nonnatus to the cemetery and he has blocked off as much traffic as he can. Sister Julienne says the coffin looks sad and plain without any flower. Sister Monica Joan walks out of Nonnatus with Sister Evangelina’s shoes and says they have more of her spirit than a thousand flowers could.

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Last episode, I said this one could not be as emotionally destroying as Season 4 Episode 8 was and it wasn’t. This was an incredibly sad episode, don’t get me wrong. But, it did have a bittersweet feel and ending. Yes, we lost Sister Evangelina but she died happy after spending an evening doing what she loved most. Her legacy will live on in Poplar and everyone will remember what she did for the community. And that is a much better season ending.

Season five will start airing on PBS in the United States on April 3. I’ll be posting different stuff about each of the episodes then because I don’t want to wait until December to write about this show again.

 

 

 

 

 

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Call The Midwife: “Season 5 Episode 2”

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I wanted to start with that picture because it illustrates my favorite thing in this season so far. And that is the different pairings between characters. That is Nurse Crane just hanging out with Patsy and Trixie. We also got some great nuns pairings and Trixie stepping up to look after Barbara.

Anyway, to this episode. The modernization theme is continuing. At the clinic a lady is giving a talk about formula’s benefits. Sister Evangelina (Pam Ferris) is not having it and yells at the lady, while Shelagh (Laura Main) tries to keep everyone calm.

This is the start of our baby of the week B plot. Sister Evangelina is trying to help Connie prepare to breastfeed her baby. Connie’s baby is born easily but she can’t get him to breastfeed. Sister Evangelina keeps telling her to try harder and says breast milk is what real mothers do not formula.

Sister Mary Cynthia (Bryony Hannah) is our voice of reason in this story line. After the baby nearly dies of dehydration, Sister Mary Cynthia stands up to Sister Evangelina and tells her she has to choose her words more carefully because of her amount of influence in Poplar. Yay for the return of strong-willed Cynthia. I feel like we haven’t seen much of this side of her since she became a nun.

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Sister Evangelina goes and apologizes to Connie, who forgives her. Sister Evangelina then realizes she has gotten too caught up in her work and has stopped listening to god. She gets a transfer from Sister Julienne (Jenny Agutter) to go to a silent order for six months. I was already sad about this and then while she is packing, Sister Monica Joan (Judy Parfitt) walks in and starts taking her clothes out of her suitcase. They share a sweet moment about how much they will miss each other. The episode ends with Sister Evangelina walking away from Nonnatus.

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I just wanted to get that out of the way because the nuns had their own story line this week, while the baby of the week A plot and the romantic subplot involved all of the nurses.

This was mostly a Nurse Crane (Linda Bassett) and Barbara (Charlotte Richtie) themed episode but the others were woven in nicely. Barbara gets the main focus. She is struggling to help Stella, who is rather stressed because of her husband’s cut hours at the docks and her high blood pressure. Throughout the episode, the show does a good job of continuing Barbara’s tendency to make a fool of herself.

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She does right out the gate with Stella. She voices her concerns to the older nurses earlier, who tell her she just needs a few more battle scars to get the hardness and experience they have. Barbara said she has them but just doesn’t show them. That bleeds through a bit when Barbara tries to help Stella by telling her about the national registry (is that what they said? I’m not sure. It’s welfare, for my fellow Americans)

Barbara is writing home to her father, a vicar in Liverpool, to ask for advice. She is in Trixie and Patsy’s (Emerald Fennel) room and Trixie teases her about the letter not sounding very exciting. It seems Barbara’s home life was only about the church and helping others, before it always seemed like it was a focus but it seemed to overtake everything. Patsy and Trixie seem to be having their own story line in the background of this episode. Barbara emphasizes in her letter that she does not have a boyfriend. Trixie makes an annoyed face at that and Patsy shoots Trixie a nervous look that I’m not sure she saw.

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Amid all that, Nurse Crane starts attending a Spanish class at the community center and hits it off with Tommy. There is a super cute montage of Sister Monica Joan, Patsy and Barbara being perplexed by a love struck Nurse Crane.

As Barbara is making a delivery for another patient, she finds Stella’s husband Johnny at a pub while he is supposed to be at work. She is conflicted about what to tell Stella. She goes to Tom (Jack Ashton) for advice. He is no help but they still have a cute little time together. This story line is going to be my Cynthia becoming a nun from last season: I kind of want to like it but it is making me really uncomfortable. Why Barbara of all the women in Poplar, Tom? And why do all your compliments for Barbara sound like knocks on Trixie?

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Barbara doesn’t get a chance to tell Stella about Johnny being unemployed because she finds out on her own. Barbara is uncomfortably there during the fight and makes a fool of herself while trying to make sure Stella doesn’t over stress herself. Stella kicks out Johnny and Barbara is having a rough day.

Back at Nonnatus, Nurse Crane, who has already gotten tea with Tommy, asks Trixie and Patsy if she could use their record player to listen to Spanish love songs. She then asks for make up tips. They jump at this idea. They also have a great but incredibly frustrating conversation with Nurse Crane (calling her Phyllis still seems weird). Patsy makes a comment about being the only one drinking and Trixie gives the comment about her complexion again. Patsy then says in admiration that Nurse Crane has been able to do what she wants in life and not be asked when she is going to find a man and settle down. The looks between Patsy and Trixie in this scene nearly killed me!

Not only does Trixie still not know about Patsy and Delia, Patsy doesn’t even know about Trixie’s alcoholism and the reasons for her sudden devotion to Keep Fit. Will somebody sit these two down and make them talk about their problems with each other?

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Stella’s husband Johnny gets a shift at the docks where he family has worked for generations but collapses. Dr. Turner (Patrick McGann) is called in and Barbara takes Stella to the hospital. It turns out Johnny’s inability to work and fatigue is because he has rather advanced leukemia. He is admitted to The London and given only days to live. Stella asks Barbara if she could make her baby come faster so her husband could see it before he dies. Barbara promises she will.

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That idea does not go over so well with the nuns because it is not for a medical problem with the mother. Great tiny character things in this argument, someone points out that Dr. Turner would agree if they suggested it and Sister Winfred (Victoria Yeates) is the most vocal opponent. That bitch. Trixie says she will assist Barbara and Sister Julienne agrees.

Then in a rather heartbreaking scene, Nurse Crane goes to assist a lady suffering from dementia. From a mix up with a new charting system, Patsy ends up there too and just in time for the lady’s husband to arrive home. And it is Tommy, Nurse Crane’s gentleman friend who said he wasn’t married. The nurses quickly file out and once in Nurse Crane’s car Patsy offers to buy her tea. She declines. Then Patsy delivers the line that I feel sums up her story line since the end of season three and all the nurses currently story lines, “I won’t ask you anything about it, but we don’t have to pretend it never happened. People do that all too often, and it’s exhausting.”

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Barbara and Trixie take Stella to the maternity home and try to induce her labor as Dr. Turner sits with a dying Johnny at The London.  There is a lot of back and forth of thinking Johnny will die before his child is born, but it turns out Barbara’s plan worked and Johnny is able to meet his son, John, shortly before he dies.

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Tommy comes by Nonnatus and apologizes to Phyllis, saying his wife hasn’t remembered him for five years and he hasn’t felt happy since he met her. Phyllis tells him it doesn’t matter and actually runs off. She gets some words of encouragement from Patsy, who treated his wife, later and says his wife truly seems to be gone. Phyllis ends up going back to Spanish class and sits beside Tommy, saying she is only there for the class but seeming to imply there might be more in the future.

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Barbara and Trixie attend the wake for Johnny. Stella says she is doing well despite the circumstances. She gets a donation from the dock worker head guy, who fired her husband and tells her there is a job for her son when he is old enough. The dock worker guy thanks Barbara for making him realize he was being a Capitalist asshole. Tom, who is also there, then finds Barbara and flirts with her as Trixie looks away awkwardly.

Overall this episode was fantastic. There was tragically little of the Turners and no Delia, who isn’t moving into Nonnatus until June. It is probably late April to early May in the show’s timeline. The show has been doing a great job of creating new dynamics between charterers and slowly, so slowly building toward the plot points I want to see so much. Trixie and Patsy, will you two talk to each other already?


Once Upon A Time: “Swan Song” (S5Ep11)

I know this post is rather late for the aptly named “Swan Song” in which all the characters went to Hell at the end of it and a lot of fans have treated it as the last episode they will ever watch. I almost didn’t write anything about this episode, because it was just so terrible that I didn’t think I could formulate my annoyance and disappointment into anything that resembled words. I thought about writing a good and bad things post where the good was evil cleavage and the bad was everything else, because that was how I feel about it.

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But, I decided I would write something about this episode because it did the impossible. It got me and my super straight Rumbelle shipper friend, who doesn’t believe Emma and Regina have any chemistry, to agree. Our other friend would have been blown away, if she hadn’t fallen asleep. My Rumbelle shipper friend and I agreed that this episode fucking sucked.

Once Upon A Time is sometimes my least favorite fandom to be a part of because everyone gets really mad at each other and mostly nobody agrees with one another. I used to ship Rumbelle before it devolved into Rumple being an abusive manipulative asshole and it destroyed Belle, one of my favorite Disney princesses from my childhood.  But my Rumbelle friend and I agreed because she got fucked over by the writers and creators just like me, all of SWEN and any fan of the same-sex pairings on this show have been since, well ever.

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So where do I even go from here? Do I explain how the show barely hit the 12 things I hoped to see this half season? Do I do a quick sum up of how it has destroyed ever strong female characters? Actually, let’s do that real quick:

Emma

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She used to be a badass bail bonds person with a shady past and a strange relationship with her parents, who didn’t know they were her parents. Then she was the sheriff who kept saving the Evil Queen/Mayor because her son she was forced to give up for adoption wanted her too. She then become the only person to see that Regina had changed and was becoming a hero too. But, she isn’t nearly as cool, sacrificed everything for her boyfriend she has zero chemistry with and is bringing literally everyone she cares about into Hell to save him after he tried to destroy literally everyone she cares about.

Regina

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Does anyone remember when this show didn’t humanize its villains the moment they were introduced? Remember when it waited 18 episodes to give us “The Stable Boy” and Baby Braids Regina? And suddenly the hard ass villain had more complexity and was even greater? I will give the show some credit for spending most of last season turning Regina into a hero. Though she has actually been a hero since the end of 2A when she nearly got herself killed to save Emma and Snow because Henry wanted her to. Now, if she could just drop her constipated beard.

Snow

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One time in 2012, I was trying to sell this show to my sister but telling her it made Snow White a badass. She then watched an episode of season four with me and asked me WTF I was talking about. And I didn’t even know how to explain how Snow went from a badass to the horrible, whiny ass mom that she is now.

Belle

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I feel like I shouldn’t even give the show any credit by saying Belle is a hard character to handle because most of the original Beauty and The Beast is dependent on the Stockholm Syndrome of Belle. But, this is the same show that made Snow White a badass, Little Red Riding Hood a sexy, possibly bisexual werewolf and made me be attracted to the Evil Queen,who I used to hide under a blanket from as a kid. So seriously, OUAT? How did you do so bad at modernizing Belle? Women shouldn’t be giving their abusers so many second chances. Are you guys watching Jessica Jones? Everyone, including the writes of this shit, should be watching Jessica Jones or get a stern speech from Det. Benson. That also sums up my opinions on Zelena impersonating Marian and knocking herself up via Robin.

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So, should I address the questions I get asked so often about this show from my Rumbelle shipper friend and my dad (he has a DVR) of if I hate this show so much why do I still watch it?

As I told my Rumbelle friend before we watched this episode, unintentional queer subtext, Lana Parrilla’s face and J-MO’s arms.

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I try to be less shallow around my dad, so my answer is a bit more difficult. I usually tell him, it is because this show used to be good and back when it was I got invested in Emma, Regina, Snow and Charming, multiple side characters before they disappeared and Stroybrooke itself before it turned into the lame ass, barely held together town.

Maybe I still watch this show because my first ever femslash ship I freaked out about was Sleeping Warrior. Maybe it is because it used to be a cool, darkened, feminist version of all the Disney movies I loved as a child.

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I am over wishing this show will ever return to its season one glory and sometimes I get concerned that I am contributing to racist, homophobic television by continuing to watch this, but I am going to watch 5B. Because I love Emma and Regina and apparently Mulan and Ruby, the show’s undeclared queer element, are going to be back and it is going to introduce Meg and Hercules, which are another of my childhood favorites. I doubt the show will do them justice but I still want to see what it does.

 


Once Upon A Time: “Siege Perilous” (S5Ep3)

It usually takes a few episodes for Once Upon A Time seasons to get this terrible, but season five is breaking the record in sucking this much in episode three. Like last week, this episode is not worthy of a full post so here are three good things and six bad things about “Siege Perilous.”

The Good 

Lancelot

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Despite him being alive three seasons after we were told he was dead, I am glad Lancelot (Sinqua Walls) is back. I liked him, but that was because he was in season 2A, which was the last good half season. So, I give the show about four episodes before it totally ruins his character. But, whatever. Having him be the person to introduce the fact that Arthur (Liam Garrigan) might be the bad guy was a good move. Lancelot was always an honest trustworthy character, who helped our main cast.

Hook doesn’t love Emma anymore

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This isn’t only about my anti-Captain Swan feels. I like that Hook (Colin O’Donoghue) doesn’t like the Dark One version of Emma (Jennifer Morrison). He says she isn’t the same and not the girl he went on that annoyingly re-enacted date with. Hook can’t see past the Dark One label and see that the Emma he loves is still there. But, last week Regina (Lana Parrilla, who had a tragically small amount of screen time this episode) told Emma she knows the normal, savior her is still there and she can tell because she knows her better than Hook does. This is a love triangle, right? This is really sounding like a love triangle.

The last five minutes

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This seems to happen a lot with this show. The majority of an episode is terrible but the last five minutes is good. So after Lancelot randomly reappears and warns Snow (Ginnifer Goodwin) that Arthur might be bad, we find out that he is. He hid the magic Mario mushroom from Charming (Josh Dallas), he lied about having a magic bean and he conned a servant into lying for him, taking the fall and then poisoned him. I was so quick to agree with all the fans that thought Guinevere (Joana Metrass) would be the surprise villain because she is a non-white woman, so I did not see this coming. As the show seemed to establish with that sonogram photo scene with Hook and Robin (Sean Maguire), Arthur would not know what security cameras, which are all over the sheriff station as we found out last season, are. If that does not come into play at some point, I’m going to be mad.

The Bad

Everything with Arthur and Charming 

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You know what I don’t want to see on this show? Two bland white dudes running around looking for a magical Mario mushroom. Regina and Belle (Emilie da Ravin) figured out they needed the Mario mushroom to communicate across dimensions with Tree-Merlin, couldn’t they have come along to find it? So, watching two characters I don’t care about run through a lame Lord of the Rings dead marshes rip off for apparently no reason, until the too late in the episode reveal that Arthur stole the mushroom to smoke it himself as my dad commented to protect Camelot was stupid.

Does Arthur really not know who they are? 

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In Camelot, Charming — who is still being called David for some reason — has a long explanation of how King Arthur is a legend in our world and that is how he knows about him and his round table. But, he adds about two seconds later that he and Snow know Lancelot because the Enchanted Forest and Camelot are basically neighboring kingdoms. So, why does Arthur not know who they are? Lancelot clearly did before he met them back in season two. Also, Arthur knights Charming as Sir David (isn’t his real name James?) of the Enchanted Forest, which doesn’t make any sense because he is already the King of the Enchanted Forest. And what was with Arthur whole explanation for the circular table meaning equality and Charming being surprised that Arthur, as the King, didn’t have a special seat? Charming, that has been your and Snow’s set up since the beginning of the show and in the alternate reality four episodes again. Just an hint of continuity would be nice, OUAT.

This fucking chase scene 

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Where the hell is this taking place? Storybrooke isn’t that big. Why does that dude have the apparently only horse the curse brought over? Why isn’t it in the stables? Storybrooke has stables. Also, King Arthur can drive a truck? That is an interesting skill for you to have, person who has lived in Camelot until like three days ago.

You are not the sheriff!

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Charming, you are not the sheriff. Your daughter was elected sheriff back when Storybrooke had some actual structure as a functioning town. You, a pet shelter worker in the cursed realty, made yourself sheriff after your daughter, who has actual experience in law enforcement, fell through a portal. Call yourself the town guard or the legal authority of Storybrooke, but not the sheriff, you idiot.

The CGI 

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Arendelle was bad, but Camelot might be worse. The castle establishing shot looks like the graphics from the Spyro the Dragon PlayStation One game. And there was so much unnecessary CGI in Arthur round table room. The weapons on the wall, the candles, the chairs, the weird 9th grade volcano project table center piece (my dad’s snark was on point this episode). You are a widely successful network television show, OUAT. You can’t afford to buy candles?

Hero Rumple 

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Just no. Emma needs a hero to pull Excalibur from the stone. “A hero” is all that Hallucination Rumple (Robert Carlyle) said. Hey you know who we spent all last season establishing as a hero? Regina! Later, Emma tells Rumple it has to be someone with a pure heart. So, like the heart of the truest believer? You know, Henry (Jared Gilmore)? But sure show, let’s “clear the heart” of our former dark one and make this lying, manipulative, borderline abusive asshole our new hero because you know there isn’t a person Emma would have thought of before this.

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See you next week.