Once Upon A Time: “Heart of Gold” (S4Ep18)

You know what is a great way to make a terrible episode of television, devote most of the story to a character you have already fairly written off.

Yes, the terrible Robin Hood (Sean McGauire) focused story line did led to a surprising good for Once Upon A Time twist that brought back a character I felt like had been unfairly written off. But, that doesn’t mean this episode was good, in anyway.

It started with two good scenes but after those we didn’t see Emma (Jennifer Morrison), Snowing (Ginnifer Goodwin, Josh Dallas) or Regina (Lana Parrilla) again until the final scene. After recovering from their curtain rod injury, the Charmings go chasing The Author into the woods. Snowing tries to apologizes to Emma for being terrible since the start of this half season. Jennifer Morrison had the only bit of fantastic acting in this episode as Emma got angry and cried realizing how much her parents have been lying to her and that she is only the savior because her parents took her potential for darkness and put it into someone else. I can’t wait until she finds out it was her first.

Rumple (Robert Carlyle) finds The Author in the woods and makes a deal with him. He will help him escape the Charmings if he writes him and the remaining QoD members a happy ending with the magic quill he has. He agrees and they poof away. Rumple ends up back in the heart vault with Regina. He tells her she will do everything he wants her to. He doesn’t explain but hands her a post-it with Robin’s phone number and a phone from 2003.

The majority of our episode takes place in a flashback and in a flashback within in a flashback, all for a character who was written off. So nine weeks ago, Robin, Marian (Christie Lang) and Roland arrive in New York City with the keys to Neal’s apartment, which Regina had for some reason. Whatever, it was stupid. But, not as stupid as this scene:

We then jump to the Sherwood Forest “many years ago” because you know that is how timelines work. Robin and Marian are running a tavern because Robin can’t continue to be a thief and keep his honor. Sheriff Nottingham comes in, acts really rape-y told Marian and tells Robin he has two days to pay his taxes or he is shutting down the tavern.

Back in New York nine weeks ago, Marian, who is actually a good character despite how poorly the show uses her, tells Robin he is being weird and he should have stayed in Storybrooke with Regina if that is what her really wanted. Robin tells her he loves her and it was the honorable thing to do. Then Rumple randomly shows up, tells them to get out of his son’s apartment and has a heart attack. I wish I was kidding.

Robin takes him to the hospital. He tells him he needs the incredibly convenient plot device we have never heard of and never will again. This time it is a potion that Rumple apparently has been taking for while that will lighten his blood to keep it following normally despite all the dark deeds he has done. In the Sherwood Forest whenever, The Dark One goes to Robin and asks him to steal it for him from a wicked queen in the land of Oz.

Robin agrees in both timelines. In New York, he breaks into the shop of a guy Zelena (Rebecca Mader) apparently sent to New York to keep an eye on Emma. I guess that flying monkey boyfriend wasn’t enough. He is quickly able to steal it, jump through a window and get back to the apartment. Marian tells him he is acting crazy and maybe they should let Rumple die, because he is the Dark One after all. He says that isn’t honorable.

In the past story line, Robin jumps to Oz. And meet just the person this terrible episode needed:

Robin and Will (Michael Socha) steal a uniform off a guard and Robin breaks into Zelena’s palace. He finds the potion and some cool looking necklace and runs out. He gets back to Will and then talk about honor and are boring and I wasn’t paying attention. Either Will steals the potion, that can mend a damaged heart, from Robin or Robin let’s him steal it.

When he gets back to his tavern, Robin and his men steal from Sheriff Nottingham and give his money to the poor. This is the start of his Robin Hood days. Marian agrees to stay with him, even though it will be dangerous because she loves him. These two are one of the few straight couples I actually like. Robin actually has chemistry with Marian.

In New York, Robin goes to the hospital and gives Rumple the potion. Robin then says he never wants to see him again and leaves. Rumple realizes the potion isn’t working. Then Marian walks in and says she switched them because she didn’t want him to survive even though Robin did. He is confused and then Marian pulls out the cool necklace from Oz and transforms into Zelena.

I was excited to see Zelena back. Mostly she was a problematic villain, with a tendency to just blab her evil plans to anyone who would listen. The show seemed to resolve that in the season three finale just before Rumple killed her. He didn’t kill her. Her life force followed Emma through the portal into the alternate Enchanted Forest. She then kill Marian, sometime when Emma and Hook left her alone, and turned herself into Marian. So Zelena has been Marian for this entire season. Despite all the plot holes that creates, it seemed cool to have her back. Until she opened her mouth and instantly spilled all her plans.

She is still trying to steal Regina’s happiness by stealing her “true love” away from her. She wants Rumple to help her get her own happy ending and ensure Regina doesn’t. I’m not 100 percent why Zelena keeps telling Robin to go back to Regina. Is she that confident that he won’t?

Back in present day Storybrooke, Regina calls Robin’s number. Marian/Zelena answers. True to Zelena’s character, she then spills everything and her plans to Regina over the phone. Regina is confused, angry and turns to Rumple to figure out what the hell is going on. He tells her she will do whatever he says to help turn Emma dark or he will give Zelena a call and she will kill Robin.

This episode was terrible, but it did end on two excellent SwanQueen lines of dialogue. Regina tells Rumple, “You made me into a monster, but I will not let you do the same to Emma.” Rumple asks Regina if she would give up true love to save the Savior.